No more secrets
by eleanor rigby1
Summary: (revelation) If I write a blurb for this it will give it all away, so just read it...please...
1. Default Chapter

No more Secrets  
  
By: eleanor rigby  
  
If I write a blurb about this, it will give it all away so just read it and enjoy...  
  
By the way I don't own these characters; if you do please don't sue me 'cause I don't have any money!!!!!  
  
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Lois looked at her partner, his eyes were just the perfect shade of brown, and then all of a sudden she couldn't take it any more "Clark, I love you." There it was, out there. And then  
"I lied!" *Very tactful Kent*   
"What?" Lois pulled away from Clark and gave him her you'd-better-explain-this-right-now-Mister look. Clark reached out to touch her arm.  
"No don't touch me, How dare you make me think you loved me. What was this some sort of sick joke? 'Let's see if I can get Lois', You swine, of all people..."Lois ranted on for minutes, before she realised that Clark was just standing there.  
"Whoa, Lois, I Love you more then anything and if you don't know that by now then we have serious problems." Lois looked sceptical.  
"Then what did you mean, 'You Lied'?"   
"Lois I think you should sit down."  
"No! I don't think so, I think you should spit it out right now Clark Jerome Kent" Ouch, the middle name, he knew he shouldn't have told her that, only his mother uses his middle name; and only when she's really mad, like you-just-burnt-the-barn-down-with-heat-vision mad.   
"Alright" Clark slowly removed his glasses "What do you see?" "Look very closely" Lois looked into Clarks eyes. Without his glasses he looked more, well, chiselled would be a good word.  
"I don't get it Clark! What is your prescription to weak?" Lois was obviously not enjoying this. Clark thought hard. He would have loved to have her figure it out but for that, he would have to give her more time and if he did, he'd never tell her. The feelings of guilt Clark had been experiencing since he'd started dating Lois snowballed when he heard her soft words he couldn't lie to her anymore.  
"You know how much I love you, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you." Lois was worried this wasn't like Clark. For some reason whenever he tried to tell her his secret, the words were caught in his throat; this time was no different. *So why don't you show her* Clark stepped back from Lois and spun into THE suit. When he stopped Lois just Starred blankly and then she passed out. *That wasn't so bad now was it* Clarks little mind voice called out. Clark slowly laid Lois out on the couch and waited for her to come to. He had stared gunshots, nuclear disaster even death in the eye and not flinched. Nothing had prepared him for the anxiety and the tension he felt waiting for Lois to wake up. He had visions of the end of his life; sure she couldn't kill him but she held his heart in her hands, and if she squeezed to tight it might break. So he waited without any knowledge of what was coming he waited for the woman he loved to wake up and change his life.  
* * * * *  
All at once her eyes were open and he stopped breathing. "Who are you?" Her words cut to the bone. "I thought I knew you, both of you..." Clark put an arm on her shoulder in an effort to calm her down "Lois you still know me, you've always known me."  
"No, No I haven't I thought I knew you, I thought I knew Clark, but know all I know is that you have been lying to me. Do you know how hard it is to open up to trust someone the way I trusted you, both of you. Now you tell me that you're really Superman."   
"Lois I am really Clark, Superman is just something I..." Clark was silenced instantly by Lois's exceedingly calm voice.  
"I don't know what you are, all I know is that I can't have this conversation with THE suit." Clark dutifully changed out of THE suit and back to his street clothes.  
"Lois are you angry?" He knew it had to be a trick question but Lois's voice was too calm when placed next to her flaming eyes.   
"I'm angry all right..." with that Lois exploded "What did you expect for me to fall all over you... My god that's it... you've been playing me for a fool since you got here. What was it a bet? Some low cheap shot 'See what I can make Lois do' Well you know what..." " Clark was very sure he didn't know, and that he probably didn't want to know "...I thought you were different, I thought you were better then everyone else. I thought you cared, I trusted you. Now I can never trust Superman, or Clark ever again!"  
"Lois, I didn't do this to hurt you I did this because I didn't know how not to. I couldn't tell you at first. What if you decided to publish what I told you?" Her expression told him that was the wrong thing to say.   
"How could you trust me so little. To think you thought I would print that I would never print something like that."   
"I didn't now that then. I didn't know you then; when I realised you were falling in love with superman, and then I fell in love with you and I couldn't tell you, I didn't want you to see me as Superman I wanted you to see me as me. I wanted you to love me, Clark, the normal guy from Kansas me as a person not me as a headline."  
"but you are Superman." Lois threw back accusingly.  
"I'm Clark Kent, all of me that matters is in Clark. Superman is just something I can do. He lets me use my powers to help people without being recognised. He was the only way to normal life. The suit blinds people to the real me. People treat me differently as Superman, even you treated me differently." Could Lois really be seeing hurt in his eyes? *No that's not possible he lied to me, he hurt me, he says he loves me but how do I know he's not just lying again?* "...Think what would happen if everyone found out that I was Superman. I have always been told that if any one found out I would have no life of my own, I would become a lab rat for them to dissect and interrogate."  
"I think I can understand, but that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me, you let me think many things to cover up for yourself and now I don't know you. I need some time to find out who you really are again. I obviously gave you my trust and my heart to soon, this time you'll have to work harder, because you hurt me, and now your just like all the others."  
"Lois you have to believe I never meant to hurt you, I wanted to tell you..."  
"But you didn't and want or no want you waited to late. Now I am very confused so I think you should leave." Clark was going to point out that this was his place and he really shouldn't be the one to leave but the pain in Lois's eyes made him think twice. The anger was gone now but what was left was so desolate that Clark stood up, and walked out. He left Lois sitting on his couch. She didn't move for a long time but when she did she went to his fridge and pulled out the triple chocolate cake they had been saving for dessert and began to eat. As the sweet chocolate mixed with the salty taste of her own tears, Lois came out of her state of shock. She felt a calm envelop her and she looked around her. Only now did she realise that she was alone in Clark's apartment. She stood in the middle of his living room and looked over everything; desperately wanting to find something that would make it easier to hate Clark. In a moment of pent-up furry Lois threw her wine glass at the wall and watched it crash into hundreds of pieces. *Why can't I just hate him and move on? Why do I feel bad about the glass? Why am I worried about him?* Lois's mind raced in infinite confusion. As she walked aimlessly around the apartment, looking over everything, she tried to come to terms with what she'd just learned about Clark. Somehow she found her way into his bedroom. She stood staring at his bed and noticed a scrap-book sticking out from underneath it. As she reached to pull it out further she felt a pang of guilt. *Why do I feel bad about this? I do this for a living, anyway it's his fault he shouldn't have left it out in plain sight*. A small voice inside Lois tried to reason this was Clark, not an investigation; it was quickly silenced. When she opened the large book, what she found changed everything she was feeling.  
* * * * *   
Halfway around the world Clark Kent sat on the top of a glacier and screamed. He was angry at the world, he was angry at his parents, he was even angry with Lois; But most of all, he was furious with himself. Lois was right it was too late. He would never have her now. He had lied, and, she was right he hadn't trusted her. But now, now, he had lost her and how he missed her. He was still trying to figure out why he'd told her like that. He had heard her say she loved him, Clark and not Superman, and all at once, he was overjoyed and he'd known there could be no more secrets between them.  
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	2. the letter

No more secrets cont

No more secrets cont.

Disclaimer: You all know the drill...

~ I can't remember much of what they stated about Clark's childhood in the series so I've invented most of it. If the formatting is off blame my computer (I have come to the decision that all electronic devices need a good dose of Kinetic energy now and then, preferably in the form of a foot or fist.)~

Lois sat on Clarks' bed. At any other time Lois would have found the prospect of having told Clark she loved him and then with in an hour to be in his bed, well thrilling in the least: but not today. She had told Clark she loved him and he had told her he lied, told her he was superman. After he told her she'd wanted no more than to destroy his apartment, she'd wanted to shred his entire superman suit collection. Instead she'd eaten half of a triple chocolate cake and somehow found her way into Clarks' bedroom. Where, with the help of the energy in the cake she planned to do some serious damage. That was when the book had caught her eye. It was a large brown faded scrapbook, When she'd opened the book. Lois picked up the rumpled paper and began to unfold it the blood left her face as she read the name at the top: Dear Lois... It was dated four months ago during the Scardino escapade. Questions flew through 

Dear Lois,

There are many things that I want to tell you and many things I need to explain. The first that I want you to know and remember is that I love you. I have loved you since before I met you, and I am beginning to believe that I will always love you. *All right Lois where's the other shoe* A small voice inside Lois' head supplied enough cynicism to drown out the part of her that loved to read those words. It has occurred to me that I never really told you that. I am prepared to offer you everything I have. However, that means I have to tell you everything about me. 

I grew up in Smallville, but I wasn't born there. *No shit fly-boy*. As I grew up I began to notice things happening to me that no one else understood. I could hear things that no one else could hear, I tried to keep it to myself I thought I was going crazy. And then one day I got up to go to the bathroom from class. I walked straight into the door. It wasn't that I couldn't see it, it was that I saw what was on the other side of it and I thought the door was open. The most disturbing was the day I fell on a pair of scissors that had fallen, point up, between some cracks in the floor. The scissors should have gone right through me, instead I crumpled the scissors. Lois was beginning to soften as she read the letter. When I told my parents they told me a story that I didn't want to believe. They told me that they'd seen a meteor one night and had followed it to where it had landed and that there they found me in a little travel "pod". 

Over the next couple of years I began to control my powers and develop new ones. Flying was my favourite, when you're miles above the earth you can soar forever and nothing can touch you. Lois wished she was flying right then she always felt safest flying in Sup...Clark's arms. The most dangerous was the heat vision. Dad has some interesting stories he's always wanted to tell, about the reason for the new half of the barn. The glasses were used to train my eyes and then they were habit.

When my parents told me about me, they warned me what might happen if I told anyone. They told me that I would never have my own life that I would make one hell of a science project for the right person. So I made the decision then never to tell anybody about my powers. Before I came to Metropolis I used to save people; but without any means of disguise I had to move on when people started to become suspicious of what I could do. When I came here and started at the Planet and met you; I decided that I couldn't just move on. But I couldn't just give up on people I couldn't not help them, I tried and it hurt too much. So my mother made the costume and thus was superman born. Then superman began to come between me, and you. You treated me differently in THE suit and it hurt. I considered riding the world of superman or once again moving on. But, he represented something I couldn't give upon any more then I could leave you. I was always worried what would happen If I told you the truth, if I told that I was superman. I was afraid that if told you, you would only see me as him. I wanted to know that you loved me, Clark, before I told you. Now it seems that I've lost you, and it's because of superman. I know that half of the reason that you're dating Scardino is because I kept running away. Every time I had to leave to save someone it hurt because I wanted to stay with you and tell you I love you, but I had to go to them. I hope that you and I still have a chance. 

If the answer is no I'll leave you alone. But I will always remember you...

Yours forever

Clark Kent

Lois had no words to describe what she felt right then, she understood how hard it must have been for Clark to tell her but it still hurt that he hadn't. She placed the letter beside her and re-positioned the book on her lap.

She didn't recognize the hand writing but she figured it had to be Martha or Jonathan Kent. The book was the third edition of the Clark Kent Scrapbook series. She looked down on the front page and saw a boy grinning wildly from his stance a good three feet off of the ground. She crawled under the covers and began to flip through the pages she saw pictures, and school work that began to build a story in her mind of how hard it must have been to grow up knowing you were different and to have no one to talk to. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Clark sat on his iceberg and thought, and thought and then he thought some more. Eventually he decided that it was time for him to go home, if Lois were still there, he would make her understand, she had to understand that he loved her. He just hoped that she still loved him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Lois felt the breeze on the back of her neck as Clark landed in the living room. She grabbed the letter and the scrapbook, she'd found it under the bed, and walked out to meet him. 

"Lois"

"Clark" She responded, now that she was over her raging fury she was enjoying his awkwardness.

"Lois where did you find that" Clark was motioning to the book under her arm.

"Under your bed, you really should dust more you know that." Lois looked up to see a pair of very confused eyes gaping back at her.

"Lois are you still angry."

"No, at least I don't think so, I have had some help understanding where you were coming from. Clark couldn't figure out what she meant.

"Clark I found your letter!" 

"What letter?" Clark honestly couldn't remember what she was talking about. Clark took the piece of paper from her. He took one look at it and remembered.

"I couldn't send it, you deserved better. I was afraid to tell you myself and I knew that I couldn't do it in a letter. So I waited for the right moment."

"Why was tonight the right moment?"

"When you said you loved me, Clark, it was more then I had ever dreamed. I never thought you'd pick Clark over Superman. I had to know you loved for me, not just the powers I have."

"Oh, Clark, I do understand and I do love you" Lois reached out and placed a finger on Clarks lips as he started to speak. "but I need to be able to trust you." Clark pulled her hand away from his lips and gently kissed the palm of her hand. "Make me trust you Clark."

"What did I do to deserve you Lois?"

Lois slowly closed the inches between them until she was safely in his arms and she felt secure in the knowledge that this man who could brake a building in two was her protector, her lover.

Clark was relieved Lois hadn't forgiven him but she was going to let him try again. This time there would be no more secrets, no more lies, just their love, and that was what he'd always wanted.

~fin~


End file.
